so why does the flexed bicep emoji hands looks like a sloth
“There’s a lot of things I wanted to do and succeed in, but I fell down or stepped back or took a different course. I ain’t happy with myself, but I’m comfortable. I’m content. I have a dog and a place to live. I was homeless for 20 years. I used to sleep right here on these benches, and he lived outside with me. The place I moved into didn’t allow pets, but I wouldn’t live in a house without him, so they let me have him. He’s more than a dog; he’s my therapist. I wasn’t always a good boy. I couldn’t take responsibility for anything. Now I think about him. It’s only him and me. If I don’t come back home to feed him, he’s stuck in the house by himself. He’s my reason to come home.”
“How old is he?”
“Ten. We’re about the same age, we dress alike and we both have beards. We pretty much look alike.”
If you take a young man and woman and they both tell a stranger that they work in the same restaurant, it’s very likely that they will assume that the woman is the waitress, and the young man a cook.
But I thought a woman’s place was in the kitchen? Not when she’s being paid for it. I can’t believe it took me this long to realize the implication of this. A woman’s place is one of servitude.
this fucking hit me like a fucking train
Imagine if trees gave off wifi signals. We would be planting so many trees and we’d probably save the planet too.
Too bad they only produce the oxygen we breathe
they put a bee in a human hospital bed
"Sorry sir we have no more beds left."
"What about that one?"
"Oh that’s a Bee’s"
why dont people have pizza parties anymore like hell yeah invite me over to your house to eat pizza and then i’ll leave that’s the shit i do like
those nerds in high school who run like this
in my middle school there was a boy who wanted to be called Sasuke Uchiha and he wore a Sasuke cosplay to school everyday and one day he did this run down the stairs and broke his arm and apparently he told the principle it was the ‘Naruto run’ and then we were all banned from wearing Naruto headbands and doing this run and Naruto was put down as gang activity at our school
Omg I think I just melted… BABE YOU ARE AMAZING.
this is probably my favorite gif of myself like ever. AND THANK YOU BUT YOU’RE MORE AMAZING
in australia we had this childrens show called around the twist and there was this one episode where the 10 year old gets a fish stuck in his penis and spends the entire season winning swimming races by using his penis as a propeller
what about the time the big brother kisses a tree spirit and ends up pregnant, he then has to give birth to the baby by burping. mpreg in a children’s show, welcome to Australia